Berl Falbaum
Veteran Political Journalist/Author
Some satirical potpourri…
Tucker Carlson, the conservative commentator, broke his silence after being fired from Fox News with a two-minute video. In the video, he asked:
“Where can you still find Americans saying true things?”
This was a very penetrating question, especially coming from a man who knows whereof he speaks.
He once confessed that he will sometimes lie, explaining, “If I am really cornered or something, I lie. I really try not to. I try never to lie on TV…I just don’t… I don’t like lying. I certainly do it, you know, out of weakness or whatever.”
Now we have the answer: He is suffering from incurable “weakness or whatever.” Perhaps his show should have been called, “Cornered.”
Carlson’s admission sounded familiar. Donald Trump who, reflecting on his inability to tell the truth, once told us:
“I do try [to tell the truth] …I always want to tell the truth. When I can, I tell the truth.”
Apparently, Trump has been unable to tell the truth for some 76 years.
But Carlson deserves some credit. He is telling the truth about lying.
Exclusive: High reliable sources have told us the real story behind Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’s feud with Disney. You will only read it here.
Apparently, the governor was upset that he was unable to get an autographed photo of Mickey Mouse. It had been a lifelong dream.
We went undercover to check out this story. Hearing about our search, Mickey went into hiding. But we found him. First, he issued several “no comments,” but finally relented, realizing that the story would eventually leak out. You can’t trust all the characters at Disney World. In summary, this is what Mickey told us:
“I did not send the photo, that’s true. I wanted to stay independent and I was afraid that if I granted the governor’s wish, I would be considered partisan. Do you know what that would have done to my reputation?
“I remember how Texas Senator Ted Cruz went after Big Bird for getting vaccinated. I called Big Bird, a good friend, and he advised me to stay out of politics. He warned me that the governor might show off the photo at the press conference announcing his candidacy for president.
“I discussed the problem with Minnie, but also with Donald, Goofy, Pluto and some others. They all ran for the hills.
“I really don’t know what to do. I wonder if the governor would settle for a couple of free tickets for the merry-go-round. But he can’t find out the tickets came from me.”
*****
Which brings us to last week’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD), the media soirée attended by the president and thousands who attend annually to reassure themselves and others that they are important. CNN covered it live for three hours, and then had seven -- that’s seven -- attendees analyze the jokes for another hour.
We managed to obtain the following sheet containing rules attendees had to follow:
-- No one may wear a name badge; if you need a badge to identify yourself, you don’t belong here.
-- You will laugh as hard at jokes poking fun at Democrats as you do at jokes mocking Republicans. It is important, as members of the Washington press corps, that we show our neutrality.
-- Time on the red carpet is limited to five minutes. Do not abuse this privilege. We want to give everyone time on the carpet. You may wave appropriately but no, “Hi, mom.”
-- There will be countless parties in and around D.C. before and after the WHCD, but you will not crash parties. Also, an alert: for admission, some party sponsors require that you recite the First Amendment.
-- You are limited to attending four parties over five days. We want everyone to have the opportunity to party. The First Amendment is too important to have anyone barred from a celebration. We have maps of the city available to help you navigate quickly from party to party.
-- You will not participate in more than a dozen interviews with society reporters for “seen in the crowd” stories.
-- You will not stand up, laugh outrageously nor applaud vigorously to attract TV cameras to your table.
-- If you are a TV journalist, you may only mention that you attended the WHCD for one month after the event.
-- Do not turn down an opportunity to have your photo taken with someone less famous than you. That would not be in keeping with the spirit of the First Amendment.
-- If you spot a New York Times newsperson (The Times prohibits attending the WHCD) don’t blow their cover unless, of course, they are fierce competition to you on your beat.
-- If you are a guest but not a member of the press, we welcome you. We are confident that before this evening is over you will feel as strongly about the First Amendment as we do. If you attended any Academy Award ceremonies, we would appreciate any feedback on how we compared.
-- If you believed your self-esteem was lower than that of other guests, we can provide you with names of psychiatrists who will help you before next year’s WHCD.
P.S. Biden took so long to announce his re-election bid because he was deciding whether he wants to attend four more correspondents’ dinners.
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