Fred Cavaiani
What do we do with our feelings? We all have feelings everyday of our lives. The problem for everyone is to realize what is a feeling and what is a defense from embracing our true feelings. A feeling that is a genuine feeling can be joy and just feeling emotionally connected with someone. It can be a feeling of experiencing love or kindness or respect from someone. Sometimes we might be feeling sad about the loss of someone or something. Sometimes we might be scared of something. Some people emotionally panic when they get a shot in the arm or blood drawn from their arm. The embrace of pain or sadness can help us to appreciate something about ourselves even more. It also helps us to experience life in a more positive and realistic manner. We can also be feeling joyful about an event. The embrace of that joy helps us go deeper into ourselves and learn what true joy might be.
Genuine feelings are feeling loved and respected. Genuine feelings are experiencing emotional pain. It can be feeling loneliness. Feelings of childhood might surface that we need to experience so they do not control us. Feelings of pain and sadness need to be felt so we can heal emotionally and find positive, loving ways to live. The embrace of a genuine feeling, joyful or sad will bring us into a deeper experience of life and how to live because we will not be using emotional energy to block what we really need to feel.
Now, here are a list of feelings that are false feelings and defenses which stop us from experiencing joy, love, peace, and happiness and experiencing God: Anger, resentment, condemnation of others, criticizing others, investing in negative thinking about others, talking negatively about others, focusing on what is wrong with the world instead of how I can make my corner of the world world a better place by being more loving and kinder. When I am angry, I block my embrace of pain so I cannot heal. Anger and resentments and criticism of others are not feelings. They are defenses from having to feel powerlessness or sadness or emotional pain. They stop us from feeling joy. They block us from feeling our emotional pain or helplessness, which then blocks us from the healing we need to experience.
Often, we will spend energy in how we think other people should change. No one has to change for us to be happy. When I invest emotional energy into how I think you should change, I am avoiding what I need to change in myself, which is to be more loving and kinder to everyone. Negativity in thinking and negativity in speaking are defenses against feeling the joy of being loving and kind and experiencing a positive connection with God. Negativity stops us from having a positive connection with other people.
Every time I block my pain or my joy by resentments and anger, I do violence to my personal self and even to my body. I create tension within myself that is absolutely not necessary to feel.
Anger is a defense against accepting our powerlessness over something or someone. So are resentments about other people. These are not feelings but defenses that stifle positive, loving attitudes. When someone is constantly criticizing other people, things or places it is a sign that they live in a state of self-deception to avoid painful feelings that need to be experienced. All of us have emotional wounds that can only be healed if we allow ourself to feel those wounds. When this happens, we discover positive ways of dealing with life and we can let go of anger and blame, which put us into an emotional prison of anger and resentments. Kind and loving people have the insight to realize that love and kindness create positive feelings and help our bodies to be restful and relaxed.
In an age of social media that surrounds us every time we pick up our phone, turn on the television or radio, we become surrounded with words and pictures of a never-ending atmosphere of how bad things can be. All of this distracts us from becoming comfortable with silence and the inner wisdom that is trying to surface within us.
When we block our hurt and pain or joy and happiness, we isolate ourselves from positive relationships with other people, with our own personal self, and with God.
It is quite simple to realize when we are investing in defending ourselves from feelings that need to be experienced. There is no need to block tears and no need to block laughter and joy. And sometimes we need good periods of silence to allow our desire for God to become activated. And everyone needs to be loving in order to experience joy and peace and God. Have a joyful and blessed day.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan.
Genuine feelings are feeling loved and respected. Genuine feelings are experiencing emotional pain. It can be feeling loneliness. Feelings of childhood might surface that we need to experience so they do not control us. Feelings of pain and sadness need to be felt so we can heal emotionally and find positive, loving ways to live. The embrace of a genuine feeling, joyful or sad will bring us into a deeper experience of life and how to live because we will not be using emotional energy to block what we really need to feel.
Now, here are a list of feelings that are false feelings and defenses which stop us from experiencing joy, love, peace, and happiness and experiencing God: Anger, resentment, condemnation of others, criticizing others, investing in negative thinking about others, talking negatively about others, focusing on what is wrong with the world instead of how I can make my corner of the world world a better place by being more loving and kinder. When I am angry, I block my embrace of pain so I cannot heal. Anger and resentments and criticism of others are not feelings. They are defenses from having to feel powerlessness or sadness or emotional pain. They stop us from feeling joy. They block us from feeling our emotional pain or helplessness, which then blocks us from the healing we need to experience.
Often, we will spend energy in how we think other people should change. No one has to change for us to be happy. When I invest emotional energy into how I think you should change, I am avoiding what I need to change in myself, which is to be more loving and kinder to everyone. Negativity in thinking and negativity in speaking are defenses against feeling the joy of being loving and kind and experiencing a positive connection with God. Negativity stops us from having a positive connection with other people.
Every time I block my pain or my joy by resentments and anger, I do violence to my personal self and even to my body. I create tension within myself that is absolutely not necessary to feel.
Anger is a defense against accepting our powerlessness over something or someone. So are resentments about other people. These are not feelings but defenses that stifle positive, loving attitudes. When someone is constantly criticizing other people, things or places it is a sign that they live in a state of self-deception to avoid painful feelings that need to be experienced. All of us have emotional wounds that can only be healed if we allow ourself to feel those wounds. When this happens, we discover positive ways of dealing with life and we can let go of anger and blame, which put us into an emotional prison of anger and resentments. Kind and loving people have the insight to realize that love and kindness create positive feelings and help our bodies to be restful and relaxed.
In an age of social media that surrounds us every time we pick up our phone, turn on the television or radio, we become surrounded with words and pictures of a never-ending atmosphere of how bad things can be. All of this distracts us from becoming comfortable with silence and the inner wisdom that is trying to surface within us.
When we block our hurt and pain or joy and happiness, we isolate ourselves from positive relationships with other people, with our own personal self, and with God.
It is quite simple to realize when we are investing in defending ourselves from feelings that need to be experienced. There is no need to block tears and no need to block laughter and joy. And sometimes we need good periods of silence to allow our desire for God to become activated. And everyone needs to be loving in order to experience joy and peace and God. Have a joyful and blessed day.
—————
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan.
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