By Berl Falbaum
The following column discusses a recent event involving Vice President JD Vance that has a kind of biblical ring to it.
Vance and his family wanted to go kayaking on the Little Miami River to celebrate his birthday August 1 but they received reports that the water was too low and if they went, they surely would scrape the bottom.
What to do? Not to worry.
Vance’s Secret Service team called the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) in Louisvelle, Ky., and asked them to increase the flow from the Caeser Creek Lake in southwest Ohio into the Little Miami River which would heighten the water level and Vance’s family could enjoy their boat outing. The birthday cake and presents also would stay dry.
When I read that story, I reflected on Moses appealing to God to part the Red Sea so the Israelites could escape the pursuing Egyptians.
Hearing Moses’ prayer, God instructed Moses to “Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water...”
By God, it worked.
I assumed Vance’s detail was familiar with this miracle and thus I pictured a dozen or so USACE engineers standing on the banks of the river, with rods, reciting the following prayer:
“O holy river, rise up…rise up…. we pray you hear our prayers. You will make the vice president and his family very happy as well as all the Evangelicals when the word gets out.
“Remember you will also please Donald Trump who, you will recall, said he is the chosen one.
“All we need is about a foot or so. We aren’t greedy. This would be a wonderful birthday gift and would give No. 2 a needed psychological lift. Give him some needed self-confidence and bragging rights about his power to raise the river level.
“Being No. 2 isn’t easy in any administration but, holy river, think about No. 2 to the present No. 1.
“And you can revert back to normal levels when the trip is over and, especially, when Democrats skim your surfaces.”
The engineers waited and waited. Nothing happened. So, they threw their rods into the water, damning the river.
“We’ll show you,” they cried, and instead of rods, they used modern technology. After calling tech giants for advice, they used computers, satellites, iPads, iPhones, emails, texts, and a special hashtag address: #raisetheriverforvance.
And, lo and behold, success. Moses would have been jealous. Happy birthday, Mr. Vice President.
But unlike Moses, who has been revered through the centuries for his work in saving the Jews and drowning the pursuing Egyptians, Vance is receiving some criticism for abusing his position.
Vance said he never asked for such help.
“When I heard the river was too low, I was prepared to take the family to an amusement park,” said Vance.
“And reports that I would ask them to slow down the merry-go-round because I get dizzy are false.”
The Secret Service denied that it received a request from Vance, stating that raising the water level was “operationally necessary” to ensure safety.
I searched, but I could not find the words “operationally necessary” in the Old Testament where it discusses Moses’ adventure. His “code” name has become known in the Bible as “the Exodus.”
Also, in Moses’ case, while the good book doesn’t use the words, it was “operationally necessary.”
We expect it won’t be long before Democrats insist on an investigation and demand the USACE answer questions such as:
—How much water, in feet, was raised?
—How much did that cost taxpayers per gallon?
—Should they have prayed longer before calling the USACE, and maybe recruited clergypersons from different religions for help?
We can also expect Democrats to introduce legislation that demands, before Vance plans another outing, he must seek approval from Congress.
Imagine what he might ask the USACE to do if, on his next birthday, he wants to climb El Capitan in Yosemite.
————————
Berl Falbaum is a veteran journalist and author of 12 books.
The following column discusses a recent event involving Vice President JD Vance that has a kind of biblical ring to it.
Vance and his family wanted to go kayaking on the Little Miami River to celebrate his birthday August 1 but they received reports that the water was too low and if they went, they surely would scrape the bottom.
What to do? Not to worry.
Vance’s Secret Service team called the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) in Louisvelle, Ky., and asked them to increase the flow from the Caeser Creek Lake in southwest Ohio into the Little Miami River which would heighten the water level and Vance’s family could enjoy their boat outing. The birthday cake and presents also would stay dry.
When I read that story, I reflected on Moses appealing to God to part the Red Sea so the Israelites could escape the pursuing Egyptians.
Hearing Moses’ prayer, God instructed Moses to “Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water...”
By God, it worked.
I assumed Vance’s detail was familiar with this miracle and thus I pictured a dozen or so USACE engineers standing on the banks of the river, with rods, reciting the following prayer:
“O holy river, rise up…rise up…. we pray you hear our prayers. You will make the vice president and his family very happy as well as all the Evangelicals when the word gets out.
“Remember you will also please Donald Trump who, you will recall, said he is the chosen one.
“All we need is about a foot or so. We aren’t greedy. This would be a wonderful birthday gift and would give No. 2 a needed psychological lift. Give him some needed self-confidence and bragging rights about his power to raise the river level.
“Being No. 2 isn’t easy in any administration but, holy river, think about No. 2 to the present No. 1.
“And you can revert back to normal levels when the trip is over and, especially, when Democrats skim your surfaces.”
The engineers waited and waited. Nothing happened. So, they threw their rods into the water, damning the river.
“We’ll show you,” they cried, and instead of rods, they used modern technology. After calling tech giants for advice, they used computers, satellites, iPads, iPhones, emails, texts, and a special hashtag address: #raisetheriverforvance.
And, lo and behold, success. Moses would have been jealous. Happy birthday, Mr. Vice President.
But unlike Moses, who has been revered through the centuries for his work in saving the Jews and drowning the pursuing Egyptians, Vance is receiving some criticism for abusing his position.
Vance said he never asked for such help.
“When I heard the river was too low, I was prepared to take the family to an amusement park,” said Vance.
“And reports that I would ask them to slow down the merry-go-round because I get dizzy are false.”
The Secret Service denied that it received a request from Vance, stating that raising the water level was “operationally necessary” to ensure safety.
I searched, but I could not find the words “operationally necessary” in the Old Testament where it discusses Moses’ adventure. His “code” name has become known in the Bible as “the Exodus.”
Also, in Moses’ case, while the good book doesn’t use the words, it was “operationally necessary.”
We expect it won’t be long before Democrats insist on an investigation and demand the USACE answer questions such as:
—How much water, in feet, was raised?
—How much did that cost taxpayers per gallon?
—Should they have prayed longer before calling the USACE, and maybe recruited clergypersons from different religions for help?
We can also expect Democrats to introduce legislation that demands, before Vance plans another outing, he must seek approval from Congress.
Imagine what he might ask the USACE to do if, on his next birthday, he wants to climb El Capitan in Yosemite.
————————
Berl Falbaum is a veteran journalist and author of 12 books.
