Berl Falbaum
Pardon us for critiquing in this column Donald Trump’s pardon policy, which we find pretty unpardonable.
George Bernard Shaw, long before the advent of Trump, helps us understand Trump’s pardons. He told us, “Those who understand evil, pardon it.” Trump understands evil (check) and he pardons it (check).
As we know, Trump has frequently charged that Venezuela was emptying its prisons and sending the former jailbirds to the U.S.
Actually, the only one emptying prisons is Trump. It seems that almost every day another felon is walking the streets.
We learned exclusively that Venezuela is adopting legislation to ban Trump’s “pardonees” from immigrating.
We also discovered that Trump is planning to pardon Benedict Arnold, who decided to become a British spy in the Revolutionary War because, Trump said, he did not like Joe Biden as commander-in-chief. But Arnold was caught before he could turn over Hunter Biden’s laptop to the British.
This pardon should not surprise us because it was the historian Trump who told us during a speech on a July 4 that the Colonial Army won the war because “it took over the airports.” We guess that George Washington received news of the victory on his iPhone.
We are surprised, however, why Trump pardons people he does not know.
In our research, we learned it is not easy to win Trump’s leniency. It helps if you believed he won the 2020 election or like the crypto billionaire, Changpeng Chao (known as CZ), help the Trump family earn millions or deposit $2 billion into the Trump-operated bitcoin company, American Bitcoin.
Also, candidates for pardons must fill out a very comprehensive application. We obtained a copy from the Office of Pardon Attorney. Here is some of what is demanded from candidates:
Name: (Aliases permitted).
Do you believe you were convicted because of Biden? (Only affirmative answers accepted).
List of crimes: (Be concise but no padding; crimes must stand on their own. Use the back of this sheet if you need more space. The more complete the better.)
Please give us 20 references from cellmates who believe you deserve a pardon. Those to whom you promised your cigarettes are not acceptable.
Candidates must also promise that they will reject any subpoenas from Congress to testify or requests from “60 Minutes” for interviews. To be very clear: You must keep your mouths shut about the pardons.
Candidates are also warned that if they commit crimes after release — like some have already done — they should make sure the federal government has jurisdiction and not a state, otherwise Trump can’t help them again.
Attached to the application is an appendix that asks candidates whether they believe Trump hired Stormy Daniels, whether he lies, whether he stoked an insurrection, whether he held secret documents at Mar-a-Lago, whether he was guilty of 34 felonies, etc.
The questions total 3,615 and applicants are strongly advised to answer all of them with a “no.”
We understand those that were successful in obtaining pardons are now offering consulting services for those appealing to the Trump administration. It reportedly is a very lucrative business.
Now, we also discovered one pardon that we totally endorse.
Trump pardoned a trail runner who used a restricted path last year when he tried to break a record for running up and down Grand Teton, the tallest peak in the Teton Range in western Wyoming.
The runner, Michelino Sunseri, of Idaho, was convicted — a misdemeanor — for using a prohibited trail. Said Sunseri on Facebook:
“In an unbelievable twist that even Hollywood couldn’t write, I woke up this morning to find out I’ve been given a PRESIDENTIAL PARDON from Donald J. Trump.”
Before the pardon, Sunseri faced six months in prison and a $5,000 fine, although a settlement was reached in which Sunseri would do 60 days of community service.
As Sunseri said, “you can’t make this stuff up.” If imprisoned, Trump promised he would have had the runner jailed in a minimum-security federal prison, which has no restricted trails.
This pardon reminds us of Trump levying a tariff on an island inhabited only by penguins.
Sunseri’s pardon came the same day that Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s former personal lawyer, and Mark Meadows, the president’s former chief of staff, who both worked to overturn the 2020 election, received pardons.
“This is completely justified,” said Giuliani and Meadows in a joint statement. “We have never, let us stress, never, run on a restricted trail.”
We can be confident that one prisoner who believes she deserves a pardon because, like Giuliani and Meadows, she never violated any National PRark trail rules, is none other than: Ghislaine Maxwell.
George Bernard Shaw, long before the advent of Trump, helps us understand Trump’s pardons. He told us, “Those who understand evil, pardon it.” Trump understands evil (check) and he pardons it (check).
As we know, Trump has frequently charged that Venezuela was emptying its prisons and sending the former jailbirds to the U.S.
Actually, the only one emptying prisons is Trump. It seems that almost every day another felon is walking the streets.
We learned exclusively that Venezuela is adopting legislation to ban Trump’s “pardonees” from immigrating.
We also discovered that Trump is planning to pardon Benedict Arnold, who decided to become a British spy in the Revolutionary War because, Trump said, he did not like Joe Biden as commander-in-chief. But Arnold was caught before he could turn over Hunter Biden’s laptop to the British.
This pardon should not surprise us because it was the historian Trump who told us during a speech on a July 4 that the Colonial Army won the war because “it took over the airports.” We guess that George Washington received news of the victory on his iPhone.
We are surprised, however, why Trump pardons people he does not know.
In our research, we learned it is not easy to win Trump’s leniency. It helps if you believed he won the 2020 election or like the crypto billionaire, Changpeng Chao (known as CZ), help the Trump family earn millions or deposit $2 billion into the Trump-operated bitcoin company, American Bitcoin.
Also, candidates for pardons must fill out a very comprehensive application. We obtained a copy from the Office of Pardon Attorney. Here is some of what is demanded from candidates:
Name: (Aliases permitted).
Do you believe you were convicted because of Biden? (Only affirmative answers accepted).
List of crimes: (Be concise but no padding; crimes must stand on their own. Use the back of this sheet if you need more space. The more complete the better.)
Please give us 20 references from cellmates who believe you deserve a pardon. Those to whom you promised your cigarettes are not acceptable.
Candidates must also promise that they will reject any subpoenas from Congress to testify or requests from “60 Minutes” for interviews. To be very clear: You must keep your mouths shut about the pardons.
Candidates are also warned that if they commit crimes after release — like some have already done — they should make sure the federal government has jurisdiction and not a state, otherwise Trump can’t help them again.
Attached to the application is an appendix that asks candidates whether they believe Trump hired Stormy Daniels, whether he lies, whether he stoked an insurrection, whether he held secret documents at Mar-a-Lago, whether he was guilty of 34 felonies, etc.
The questions total 3,615 and applicants are strongly advised to answer all of them with a “no.”
We understand those that were successful in obtaining pardons are now offering consulting services for those appealing to the Trump administration. It reportedly is a very lucrative business.
Now, we also discovered one pardon that we totally endorse.
Trump pardoned a trail runner who used a restricted path last year when he tried to break a record for running up and down Grand Teton, the tallest peak in the Teton Range in western Wyoming.
The runner, Michelino Sunseri, of Idaho, was convicted — a misdemeanor — for using a prohibited trail. Said Sunseri on Facebook:
“In an unbelievable twist that even Hollywood couldn’t write, I woke up this morning to find out I’ve been given a PRESIDENTIAL PARDON from Donald J. Trump.”
Before the pardon, Sunseri faced six months in prison and a $5,000 fine, although a settlement was reached in which Sunseri would do 60 days of community service.
As Sunseri said, “you can’t make this stuff up.” If imprisoned, Trump promised he would have had the runner jailed in a minimum-security federal prison, which has no restricted trails.
This pardon reminds us of Trump levying a tariff on an island inhabited only by penguins.
Sunseri’s pardon came the same day that Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s former personal lawyer, and Mark Meadows, the president’s former chief of staff, who both worked to overturn the 2020 election, received pardons.
“This is completely justified,” said Giuliani and Meadows in a joint statement. “We have never, let us stress, never, run on a restricted trail.”
We can be confident that one prisoner who believes she deserves a pardon because, like Giuliani and Meadows, she never violated any National PRark trail rules, is none other than: Ghislaine Maxwell.
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