Novel inspired by author’s own struggles
with self-harm, depression, and anxiety
available March 30
By Bruce Rolfe
A 2009 Climax-Scotts High School graduate will debut her first novel March 30.
“In My Skin,” written by Erin Lodes, is an adult contemporary novel with a college-age female protagonist and explores mental health, self-identity, and self-worth.
While the characters of this novel are fiction and the events are made up, Lodes said the novel is inspired by her own struggles with self-harm, depression, and anxiety.
Lodes explained, “In My Skin” has at its heart a girl much like her in her younger years: a girl who struggles with self-harm in secret and in silence because she feels guilty for having these overwhelming feelings of sadness, desperation, and numbness. Even as other aspects of mental health become more accepted to talk about, Lodes feels self-harm has remained a topic that is taboo and not talked about much.
“I was one of the millions of kids who turned to self-harm as a coping mechanism as I hit my teen years. Self-harm, also called self-injury, is much more common than people think; 17% of people will self-harm during their lifetime and the average age of onset is 13 years old. There are many forms of self-harm though cutting is the most common. And it’s what I struggled with for years,” admitted Lodes.
“It was a secret I kept for almost my entire life. I was so ashamed of struggling despite my good life. Those who remember me from my high school days will likely remember a good student and a good athlete surrounded by a wonderful group of friends and a loving family,” continued the C-S High School graduate.
Lodes notes March is self-harm awareness month, which is why she is publishing the novel this month. “Raising awareness about self-harm is one of the main reasons I wrote and am publishing the book,” said Lodes.
While raising awareness is why she wrote and published “In My Skin,” Lodes said that wasn’t the case initially. She said publishing a book when she started the first draft was only a future dream.
“I began writing ‘In My Skin’ over a decade ago while I was still in college and honestly, I was writing in an effort to understand myself. I hadn’t yet gone to therapy or begun researching self-harm, I only had my experiences. I was truly writing to try and explain to myself why I turned to self-harm to cope. And I can honestly say writing the book—which was very emotionally difficult and involved many anxiety-filled calls with my writing coach and editor—has helped me in so many ways I am still discovering,” offered Lodes.
Lodes admits the decision to continue writing, editing, revising and publish the book came from her desire to help others and make it easier to talk about their mental health struggles. She wanted others to feel comfortable talking about self-harm.
“I wrote and published this book for people like the girl I used to be, the girl who is still at the center of me. I have found a home inside books for as long as I can remember. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of reading someone else’s words and thinking, Oh, someone else has found a way to put this feeling into words when I never could. Or, oh, I thought I was the only one who felt this way but someone else has written about it so someone else feels this way too. And whenever that happens, the fear that I am so strange and so broken and so alone fades away. I wanted to give that feeling to someone else. I hope that someone somewhere reads this book and finds that sense of connection. I hope that someone somewhere reads this book and feels less alone,” explained Lodes.
The C-S graduate said self-harm is not classified as a mental disorder, however it can often accompany other mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, something she said she has had a lifelong struggle with.
“It’s taken many years of therapy and of practice for me to be open about my mental health and I hope that I can encourage others to be more open about theirs,” said Lodes, who said she used to be anxious revealing she had depression, yet she discovered she wrote the entire novel with a main character who struggles with depression, without once using the word depression.
Lodes said when trying to determine what the source was personally for her engaging in self-harm and struggling with depression and anxiety, the answer can be difficult to find.
“There’s a common misconception, which is one of the things I address in the book, that there must be a ‘source’ for self-harm, depression, and anxiety. And while it’s true that for some people there is a traumatic event or an ongoing trauma that causes these things, it’s also true that for other people there isn’t really a clear reason why they’re experiencing these mental health issues. I used to feel so guilty for self-harming, for feeling so depressed and anxious, when I had such a great life, because I believed what I had seen in media portrayals of those issues—which always show a ‘source’ for them. But sometimes it’s just your brain chemistry and there isn’t an external factor, other than the general stress of life, that causes mental health issues. Self-harm in particular is a coping mechanism for stress, overwhelming emotions, or the overwhelming lack of emotions or numbness caused by depression,” continued Lodes, who said learning healthier coping mechanisms has been crucial for her.
Attached to her desire of writing the novel to bring awareness about self-harm was her ambition of informing others that there are other forms of hurting yourself that aren’t physically injuring yourself.
“Allowing others to treat you poorly because you don’t believe you deserve better. Treating yourself poorly because you don’t believe you deserve better. I still struggle with negative self-talk, as do so many of the people I love. I hope that we can all learn to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would offer to a friend. I hope we can all learn to be gentler with ourselves,” said Lodes.
Lodes, who attended Aquinas College in Grand Rapids where she received a Bachelors Degree in English Literature in 2013, said it was in 2012 when she went on a study abroad program she met her now husband, who is Irish. The couple lived for a period of time in Michigan and at times in Ireland, but currently they have been living in Ireland since December of 2020.
The C-S graduate said while she would like to be a full time novelist some day, she currently works remotely doing research for a Michigan-based progressive communications company in a job she finds “very fulfilling.”
You can consider book purchasing options on Erin’s LinkTree page at: https://linktr.ee/erinwritesthings or on Amazon after the book goes live March 30.
On her website, erinlodes.com, Lodes offers the following links to help deal with the topics in her novel:
A 2009 Climax-Scotts High School graduate will debut her first novel March 30.
“In My Skin,” written by Erin Lodes, is an adult contemporary novel with a college-age female protagonist and explores mental health, self-identity, and self-worth.
While the characters of this novel are fiction and the events are made up, Lodes said the novel is inspired by her own struggles with self-harm, depression, and anxiety.
Lodes explained, “In My Skin” has at its heart a girl much like her in her younger years: a girl who struggles with self-harm in secret and in silence because she feels guilty for having these overwhelming feelings of sadness, desperation, and numbness. Even as other aspects of mental health become more accepted to talk about, Lodes feels self-harm has remained a topic that is taboo and not talked about much.
“I was one of the millions of kids who turned to self-harm as a coping mechanism as I hit my teen years. Self-harm, also called self-injury, is much more common than people think; 17% of people will self-harm during their lifetime and the average age of onset is 13 years old. There are many forms of self-harm though cutting is the most common. And it’s what I struggled with for years,” admitted Lodes.
“It was a secret I kept for almost my entire life. I was so ashamed of struggling despite my good life. Those who remember me from my high school days will likely remember a good student and a good athlete surrounded by a wonderful group of friends and a loving family,” continued the C-S High School graduate.
Lodes notes March is self-harm awareness month, which is why she is publishing the novel this month. “Raising awareness about self-harm is one of the main reasons I wrote and am publishing the book,” said Lodes.
While raising awareness is why she wrote and published “In My Skin,” Lodes said that wasn’t the case initially. She said publishing a book when she started the first draft was only a future dream.
“I began writing ‘In My Skin’ over a decade ago while I was still in college and honestly, I was writing in an effort to understand myself. I hadn’t yet gone to therapy or begun researching self-harm, I only had my experiences. I was truly writing to try and explain to myself why I turned to self-harm to cope. And I can honestly say writing the book—which was very emotionally difficult and involved many anxiety-filled calls with my writing coach and editor—has helped me in so many ways I am still discovering,” offered Lodes.
Lodes admits the decision to continue writing, editing, revising and publish the book came from her desire to help others and make it easier to talk about their mental health struggles. She wanted others to feel comfortable talking about self-harm.
“I wrote and published this book for people like the girl I used to be, the girl who is still at the center of me. I have found a home inside books for as long as I can remember. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of reading someone else’s words and thinking, Oh, someone else has found a way to put this feeling into words when I never could. Or, oh, I thought I was the only one who felt this way but someone else has written about it so someone else feels this way too. And whenever that happens, the fear that I am so strange and so broken and so alone fades away. I wanted to give that feeling to someone else. I hope that someone somewhere reads this book and finds that sense of connection. I hope that someone somewhere reads this book and feels less alone,” explained Lodes.
The C-S graduate said self-harm is not classified as a mental disorder, however it can often accompany other mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, something she said she has had a lifelong struggle with.
“It’s taken many years of therapy and of practice for me to be open about my mental health and I hope that I can encourage others to be more open about theirs,” said Lodes, who said she used to be anxious revealing she had depression, yet she discovered she wrote the entire novel with a main character who struggles with depression, without once using the word depression.
Lodes said when trying to determine what the source was personally for her engaging in self-harm and struggling with depression and anxiety, the answer can be difficult to find.
“There’s a common misconception, which is one of the things I address in the book, that there must be a ‘source’ for self-harm, depression, and anxiety. And while it’s true that for some people there is a traumatic event or an ongoing trauma that causes these things, it’s also true that for other people there isn’t really a clear reason why they’re experiencing these mental health issues. I used to feel so guilty for self-harming, for feeling so depressed and anxious, when I had such a great life, because I believed what I had seen in media portrayals of those issues—which always show a ‘source’ for them. But sometimes it’s just your brain chemistry and there isn’t an external factor, other than the general stress of life, that causes mental health issues. Self-harm in particular is a coping mechanism for stress, overwhelming emotions, or the overwhelming lack of emotions or numbness caused by depression,” continued Lodes, who said learning healthier coping mechanisms has been crucial for her.
Attached to her desire of writing the novel to bring awareness about self-harm was her ambition of informing others that there are other forms of hurting yourself that aren’t physically injuring yourself.
“Allowing others to treat you poorly because you don’t believe you deserve better. Treating yourself poorly because you don’t believe you deserve better. I still struggle with negative self-talk, as do so many of the people I love. I hope that we can all learn to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would offer to a friend. I hope we can all learn to be gentler with ourselves,” said Lodes.
Lodes, who attended Aquinas College in Grand Rapids where she received a Bachelors Degree in English Literature in 2013, said it was in 2012 when she went on a study abroad program she met her now husband, who is Irish. The couple lived for a period of time in Michigan and at times in Ireland, but currently they have been living in Ireland since December of 2020.
The C-S graduate said while she would like to be a full time novelist some day, she currently works remotely doing research for a Michigan-based progressive communications company in a job she finds “very fulfilling.”
You can consider book purchasing options on Erin’s LinkTree page at: https://linktr.ee/erinwritesthings or on Amazon after the book goes live March 30.
On her website, erinlodes.com, Lodes offers the following links to help deal with the topics in her novel:
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