Berl Falbaum
If you are on overload already with political controversy you may want to skip this column.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio has ordered that all communications in his department be typed in Times New Roman not the present typeface, Calibri which he said was too woke. He also demanded it be in 15-point type — not 14 or 16.
Trumpites gloated, charging that they now had evidence that I was biased because in my ongoing criticism of their hero, I apparently always used Calibri. (I had no idea).
To show that I am open to have dialogues with various political points of view, I typed each paragraph in this column in a different typeface. I want to cover all political bases.
As to the type size, I wanted to comply with the Rubio edict but my computer does not offer 15-point so this column was typed in 16-point and I ask you to imagine it’s 15. (To Trumpites: this was not a political decision.)
I didn’t even want to deal with it, knowing we are all overwhelmed by crisis after crisis. Enough is enough.
Yet, when I read the papers, I went into deep depression to discover that this might just be the beginning of this political dilemma. I apparently did not understand its urgency or political significance.
A day after the change, The New York Times devoted four stories on the issue. While educating me on the relevance of the decision, it really put me in the dumps.
I considered that if The Times devoted so much attention to the matter, this change must have serious political ramifications. That whetted our journalistic instincts and sent us to do some investigating. Boy, what we found.
First, the Ukraine. Its president, Volodymyr Zelensky, has contacted Rubio, stating that his country’s computers don’t provide for a 15-point type; they (like mine) jump from 14 to 16 points.
Thus, in addition to Tomahawk missiles, he has asked for new computers so he can communicate with the State Department.
Next: While the order does not affect the Department of Justice, Attorney General Pam Bondi wants to stay on the good side of Rubio. Thus, she is having the Epstein Files — all the thousands of pages — retyped in 15-point Times New Roman.
President Trump has asked her to use black ink equivalent to 30 points to blot out his name, but the words “hoax” and “witch hunt” must be in capital letters and bold face.
She is also asking all those named in the files in what kind of type they would like their names to appear.
In Russia, President Putin was furious. He has to spend millions of rubles to reconstruct his entire satellite spy apparatus because it is programmed to decrypt 14-point Calibri.
Back at home again, the Supreme Court is also taking a look at the issue. The Constitution was handwritten by Jacob Shallus, an engrosser or penman, and it appears the writing is equivalent to about 20 points in either Times New Roman or Calibri.
We learned the Court’s six conservatives believe this makes the Constitution unconstitutional. They also feel the writing tilts toward Calibri. They are in the process of recruiting a penman who can copy the document by hand but the writing must not be larger than 15-point Times New Roman.
The National Archives has appointed a special committee to study the issue, and make recommendations on what to do with the millions and millions of records.
As I worked on this piece, I learned (seriously) that studies show Republicans like fonts with serifs while Democrats go sans-serifs. I will never again look at political lawn signs in the same way. Maybe that’s why Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is resigning. She wanted to keep Calibri but House Speaker Mike Johnson would not bring her proposed legislation to the floor.
I might go back an examine why Hillary lost; the political analysts and pollsters may have been totally wrong. Maybe it wasn’t because of Comey or the emails. Maybe it was the fault of not putting serifs — those little squiggles — at the end of letters. Some polling in the seven swing states on serifs and non-serifs might have been helpful.
Just so you understand the seriousness of the issue, here is a capital T in 10-point Calibri. Here is the T in Times New Roman. Who knew? How could we have missed this? (Sorry, I could not show it to you in 15-point, Rubio’s preference.)
Holy, molly! What has Rubio wrought!
Secretary of State Marco Rubio has ordered that all communications in his department be typed in Times New Roman not the present typeface, Calibri which he said was too woke. He also demanded it be in 15-point type — not 14 or 16.
Trumpites gloated, charging that they now had evidence that I was biased because in my ongoing criticism of their hero, I apparently always used Calibri. (I had no idea).
To show that I am open to have dialogues with various political points of view, I typed each paragraph in this column in a different typeface. I want to cover all political bases.
As to the type size, I wanted to comply with the Rubio edict but my computer does not offer 15-point so this column was typed in 16-point and I ask you to imagine it’s 15. (To Trumpites: this was not a political decision.)
I didn’t even want to deal with it, knowing we are all overwhelmed by crisis after crisis. Enough is enough.
Yet, when I read the papers, I went into deep depression to discover that this might just be the beginning of this political dilemma. I apparently did not understand its urgency or political significance.
A day after the change, The New York Times devoted four stories on the issue. While educating me on the relevance of the decision, it really put me in the dumps.
I considered that if The Times devoted so much attention to the matter, this change must have serious political ramifications. That whetted our journalistic instincts and sent us to do some investigating. Boy, what we found.
First, the Ukraine. Its president, Volodymyr Zelensky, has contacted Rubio, stating that his country’s computers don’t provide for a 15-point type; they (like mine) jump from 14 to 16 points.
Thus, in addition to Tomahawk missiles, he has asked for new computers so he can communicate with the State Department.
Next: While the order does not affect the Department of Justice, Attorney General Pam Bondi wants to stay on the good side of Rubio. Thus, she is having the Epstein Files — all the thousands of pages — retyped in 15-point Times New Roman.
President Trump has asked her to use black ink equivalent to 30 points to blot out his name, but the words “hoax” and “witch hunt” must be in capital letters and bold face.
She is also asking all those named in the files in what kind of type they would like their names to appear.
In Russia, President Putin was furious. He has to spend millions of rubles to reconstruct his entire satellite spy apparatus because it is programmed to decrypt 14-point Calibri.
Back at home again, the Supreme Court is also taking a look at the issue. The Constitution was handwritten by Jacob Shallus, an engrosser or penman, and it appears the writing is equivalent to about 20 points in either Times New Roman or Calibri.
We learned the Court’s six conservatives believe this makes the Constitution unconstitutional. They also feel the writing tilts toward Calibri. They are in the process of recruiting a penman who can copy the document by hand but the writing must not be larger than 15-point Times New Roman.
The National Archives has appointed a special committee to study the issue, and make recommendations on what to do with the millions and millions of records.
As I worked on this piece, I learned (seriously) that studies show Republicans like fonts with serifs while Democrats go sans-serifs. I will never again look at political lawn signs in the same way. Maybe that’s why Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is resigning. She wanted to keep Calibri but House Speaker Mike Johnson would not bring her proposed legislation to the floor.
I might go back an examine why Hillary lost; the political analysts and pollsters may have been totally wrong. Maybe it wasn’t because of Comey or the emails. Maybe it was the fault of not putting serifs — those little squiggles — at the end of letters. Some polling in the seven swing states on serifs and non-serifs might have been helpful.
Just so you understand the seriousness of the issue, here is a capital T in 10-point Calibri. Here is the T in Times New Roman. Who knew? How could we have missed this? (Sorry, I could not show it to you in 15-point, Rubio’s preference.)
Holy, molly! What has Rubio wrought!
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