By Berl Falbaum
I wish that Shakespeare was still around to help me understand Prince Andrew giving up some of his royal titles.
I’m not sure I would get it even then because I could never follow the family lines in Shakespeare’s history plays on John, Henry IV, V, VI and VIII, and Richard II and III. I think it would have helped if they had last names.
In any event, there was big news recently when Andrew surrendered his title of Duke of York. While headlines blared this news, stories added that Andrew will retain the dukedom. So, what’s the big deal?
But this gave me the idea to apply for the title of “duke” in my gated subdivision. I would love to have my wife call and tell me, “Duke, sir, your dinner is ready.”
Andrew also surrendered “use of his honors” as a Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order (GCVO), which is awarded for service to the monarch and the royal family, and if that weren’t enough, also the Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, which involves membership to the oldest organization of knighthood.
I think it would have been enough punishment for Andrew to surrender one of these honors. But both? What cruelty. I’ll skip applying for those titles in the subdivision; I would never be able to remember the names. Moreover, I don’t deserve either; I haven’t even attended association meetings.
However, my claim to fame: I was vice president of my senior class in high school, but no one called me “Mr. Vice President” or “Your Royal Highness.” I did overhear some references to “royal pain.”
Andrew also will no longer use the title of Earl of Inverness or Baron of Killyleagh, both titles presented to him on his wedding in 1986 by his mother, Queen Elizabeth II. My parents gave my wife and me some dishes.
“And everyone thought you would not amount to anything,” the Queen said in presenting her gift. “I am so proud of your achievement.”
Andrew also will no longer be addressed as His Royal Highness (HRH).
Now, If I were royalty, that would #^%* me off.
This all stemmed from the fact that Andrew has been involved in scandals related to the sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, and a bunch of other royal no-nos.
Now, much of what you read from here on in we are reporting exclusively.
We learned that Andrew argued with King Charles, his older brother by 12 years, to give him a pass on his behavior.
“Look, your majesty my bro, if Trump can commute the sentence of George Santos, who is a pretty bad guy, I think you should be able to look the other way.”
When HRH insisted on giving Andrew the royal shaft, Andrew called Santos asking for assistance.
“Do you think Trump can help me?” Andrew asked Santos, who allegedly lied about every facet of his life.
In one paper Santos wrote he was Jewish and then corrected it, stating he meant he was “Jew-ish.” That clears it up.
“Don’t know, Andrew,” Santos replied. “Give him a call. Tell him I sent you.”
As Andrew called Trump, Santos contacted King Charles asking if he could be given the vacated titles because he had “royal blood” dating all the way back to 2022 when he campaigned for Congress.
“Let me ask, are you Jewish or Jew-ish? I am Christian not Christian-ish.”
“It’s complicated, your highness. Gotta go. I’ll tear up the stationery that I had printed with the title, ‘Duke Santos.’”
Here is the transcript of Andrew’s call to Trump:
Andrew: “Mr. President, remember we had pretty good times years ago with Epstein. We were good friends.
“Can you pressure my brother to give me back my titles? Maybe there is something in the official papers settling the revolutionary war that let’s you order Attorney General Pam Bondi to indict him.
“Did I mention that George Santos said you might be sympathetic?”
Trump: “Look Andy, buddy…I can’t call you His Royal Highness anymore —I never even heard of Epstein and I don’t remember you.”
Andrew: “I have a photo of you and me.”
“Trump: I take lots of photos with people. That was probably taken when you were waiting in a crowd to shake hands with me when I was campaigning.
“Look, pal, Charlie welcomed me recently with a hellava reception. So, I gotta go with him. Your request is tempting though because, to be honest, I am a little miffed because he turned me down in trading Mar-a-Lago for Windsor Castle. I even promised not to tear up the castle to build a new ballroom.
“Regarding, Santos, as I said, he always voted Republican so what was I supposed to do?”
Andrew: “I understand. I do have a little time while in D.C. Do you have Bondi’s phone number?”
Andrew’s ex-wife Sarah, Duchess of York, will give up her title and will be known as Sarah Ferguson. Finally, a last name. Their two children, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, however, will remain
princesses, and be called only by their first names. I am sad for Mrs. Ferguson — note the use of “Mrs.” — but very happy for the kids.
The good news: Andrew retains the title of prince since he is the son of Queen Elizabeth and Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. Incidentally, Edinburgh is larger than York. But then he was Andrew’s daddy.
If only Andrew had lived, let’s say, in the 11th century, he would not have needed Trump or the Jew-ish Santos. He could have asked Lady Macbeth for help.
————————
Berl Falbaum is a veteran journalist and author of 12 books.
I wish that Shakespeare was still around to help me understand Prince Andrew giving up some of his royal titles.
I’m not sure I would get it even then because I could never follow the family lines in Shakespeare’s history plays on John, Henry IV, V, VI and VIII, and Richard II and III. I think it would have helped if they had last names.
In any event, there was big news recently when Andrew surrendered his title of Duke of York. While headlines blared this news, stories added that Andrew will retain the dukedom. So, what’s the big deal?
But this gave me the idea to apply for the title of “duke” in my gated subdivision. I would love to have my wife call and tell me, “Duke, sir, your dinner is ready.”
Andrew also surrendered “use of his honors” as a Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order (GCVO), which is awarded for service to the monarch and the royal family, and if that weren’t enough, also the Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, which involves membership to the oldest organization of knighthood.
I think it would have been enough punishment for Andrew to surrender one of these honors. But both? What cruelty. I’ll skip applying for those titles in the subdivision; I would never be able to remember the names. Moreover, I don’t deserve either; I haven’t even attended association meetings.
However, my claim to fame: I was vice president of my senior class in high school, but no one called me “Mr. Vice President” or “Your Royal Highness.” I did overhear some references to “royal pain.”
Andrew also will no longer use the title of Earl of Inverness or Baron of Killyleagh, both titles presented to him on his wedding in 1986 by his mother, Queen Elizabeth II. My parents gave my wife and me some dishes.
“And everyone thought you would not amount to anything,” the Queen said in presenting her gift. “I am so proud of your achievement.”
Andrew also will no longer be addressed as His Royal Highness (HRH).
Now, If I were royalty, that would #^%* me off.
This all stemmed from the fact that Andrew has been involved in scandals related to the sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, and a bunch of other royal no-nos.
Now, much of what you read from here on in we are reporting exclusively.
We learned that Andrew argued with King Charles, his older brother by 12 years, to give him a pass on his behavior.
“Look, your majesty my bro, if Trump can commute the sentence of George Santos, who is a pretty bad guy, I think you should be able to look the other way.”
When HRH insisted on giving Andrew the royal shaft, Andrew called Santos asking for assistance.
“Do you think Trump can help me?” Andrew asked Santos, who allegedly lied about every facet of his life.
In one paper Santos wrote he was Jewish and then corrected it, stating he meant he was “Jew-ish.” That clears it up.
“Don’t know, Andrew,” Santos replied. “Give him a call. Tell him I sent you.”
As Andrew called Trump, Santos contacted King Charles asking if he could be given the vacated titles because he had “royal blood” dating all the way back to 2022 when he campaigned for Congress.
“Let me ask, are you Jewish or Jew-ish? I am Christian not Christian-ish.”
“It’s complicated, your highness. Gotta go. I’ll tear up the stationery that I had printed with the title, ‘Duke Santos.’”
Here is the transcript of Andrew’s call to Trump:
Andrew: “Mr. President, remember we had pretty good times years ago with Epstein. We were good friends.
“Can you pressure my brother to give me back my titles? Maybe there is something in the official papers settling the revolutionary war that let’s you order Attorney General Pam Bondi to indict him.
“Did I mention that George Santos said you might be sympathetic?”
Trump: “Look Andy, buddy…I can’t call you His Royal Highness anymore —I never even heard of Epstein and I don’t remember you.”
Andrew: “I have a photo of you and me.”
“Trump: I take lots of photos with people. That was probably taken when you were waiting in a crowd to shake hands with me when I was campaigning.
“Look, pal, Charlie welcomed me recently with a hellava reception. So, I gotta go with him. Your request is tempting though because, to be honest, I am a little miffed because he turned me down in trading Mar-a-Lago for Windsor Castle. I even promised not to tear up the castle to build a new ballroom.
“Regarding, Santos, as I said, he always voted Republican so what was I supposed to do?”
Andrew: “I understand. I do have a little time while in D.C. Do you have Bondi’s phone number?”
Andrew’s ex-wife Sarah, Duchess of York, will give up her title and will be known as Sarah Ferguson. Finally, a last name. Their two children, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, however, will remain
princesses, and be called only by their first names. I am sad for Mrs. Ferguson — note the use of “Mrs.” — but very happy for the kids.
The good news: Andrew retains the title of prince since he is the son of Queen Elizabeth and Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. Incidentally, Edinburgh is larger than York. But then he was Andrew’s daddy.
If only Andrew had lived, let’s say, in the 11th century, he would not have needed Trump or the Jew-ish Santos. He could have asked Lady Macbeth for help.
————————
Berl Falbaum is a veteran journalist and author of 12 books.
