Fault-finding is woven into the fabric of legal practice. As lawyers, we spend our days tracing responsibility lines, clarifying causal connections, and determining who must answer for the harm. In a personal injury case, we identify the person who caused the accident. In a criminal case, we focus on who is culpable for the crime. In a commercial dispute, we analyze who breached the agreement. And in family law, we identify who contributed to the breakdown, an inquiry far more complicated than any police report or contract.
While blame is necessary in the courtroom, it becomes corrosive when carried into our personal or professional lives outside of litigation. The skills that help us advocate for others can, if left unchecked, hinder our personal growth. That is where the shift from blame to accountability becomes transformative.
Blame Keeps Us Stuck
Brené Brown explains that blame is a tool we use to discharge discomfort and pain. It is a fast, reflexive way to avoid vulnerability. When we feel exposed, ashamed, or afraid, blame is a quick, defensive shield that gives us something to point at, offering the illusion of relief without the substance of resolution. But rather than moving us toward healing or clarity, blame keeps us circling the very emotions we are trying to escape.
Blame feels deceptively productive. It hands us a ready-made storyline: Here is the problem, and here is the person who caused it. This storyline creates a false sense of clarity and control. Blame rarely brings relief. Instead, it traps us in a victim mindset, replaying narratives about how others should have acted and how life should have been. In that space, we are not just looking for someone to hold responsible but for evidence that we are not to blame.
Morgan Wallen captures this impulse perfectly in his song “I’m the Problem.” His lyrics “If I’m the problem … you might be the reason” reflect the human reflex to quickly turn toward shared fault or justification to divert discomfort away from us. Wallen goes on to ask, “And if it’s the whiskey / Then why you keep pullin’ it off the shelf?” Blame becomes the smoke screen for the patterns we don’t want to confront. It’s easier to fault the whiskey or the one “pullin’ it off the shelf” than shine light on our own actions. Blame provides an external target and protects us from the pain of owning our part.
Accountability Moves Us Forward
Accountability, on the other hand, is not concerned with who or what is to blame. Rather, it invites us to reflect on what part of the situation we can genuinely control. It moves us from victim to agent by forcing us to notice our participation in the cycle. Accountability shifts the focus from backward-looking rumination to forward- looking intention. It requires us to examine our choices; take responsibility for our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions; and ask ourselves how we want to show up. Accountability encourages us to look beneath our reactions and ask why something hit such a nerve, what fear was poked, or what boundary felt crossed. Curiosity becomes the foundation for deeper understanding. More importantly, it transfers power away from the person we’re blaming and back to us. That pivot is often the difference between staying stuck and moving toward meaningful change.
Reclaiming Our Power
When we place blame, we give someone else the power. While other people’s behavior can affect us, allowing their actions to dictate our inner state leaves us powerless. Accountability counters this dynamic by inviting us to notice the story we are telling ourselves, to reflect on how we are interpreting events, and to choose responses that reflect our values rather than our reflexes.
Blame often fuels emotional dysregulation, anger, frustration, helplessness, and resentment. These reactions are human, but they drain clarity and peace when they become habitual. Accountability turns “Why is this happening to me?” into “How do I want to meet this moment?” that shift reclaims our power. Even when we cannot control the circumstance, we can control how we respond. Accountability requires us to pause and choose a response that aligns with who we want to be.
Wallen taps into this tension between pointing outward and turning inward. In “I Had Some Help,” he sings with Post Malone, “It ain’t like I can make this kind of mess all by myself,” a familiar move toward shared fault that allows us to keep the spotlight off ourselves. But in his song “Superman,” the tone shifts. He admits, “Don’t always know my wrong from right / And sometimes I’m my own worst enemy,” a humble recognition that the struggle isn’t just outside of him; it lives within. this movement from “I had some help” to acknowledging our “kryptonite” — whether it’s substance use, emotional dysregulation, avoidance, or simply not having the right skills — marks the beginning of accountability. It asks us to pause and consider what part is ours, what part is not, and how we want to lead ourselves forward. Personal agency and power emerge in that reflection.
Rewriting the Narrative
Perhaps the greatest gift of accountability is that it frees us from old stories. Blame keeps us stuck in familiar roles and patterns. These narratives often come from real hurt, but they can become cages when we revisit them again and again. Accountability opens the door. It says, “this happened, but what happens next is up to me.” It reclaims authorship.
The shift from reenacting the past to authoring the present is where meaningful growth lies. It marks the moment when a new story can begin. As self-awareness expands, so does our capacity for connection. While blame narrows the lens to what someone else did wrong, accountability widens it to explore the dynamics unfolding between us. It invites dialogue instead of defensiveness. It transforms “you versus me” into “What is happening here, and how can we move forward?” In families, friendships, partnerships, and workplaces, this shift creates relational safety and strengthens trust.
Presence Over Perfection
Accountability is not an exercise in self-blame or perfectionism. Rather, it is an invitation to humble reflection, to look honestly at our patterns without collapsing into shame. Accountability is not about taking all the responsibility but rather about taking our responsibility. It does not minimize the impact of others’ behavior. Instead, it directs our focus back to the one place where growth happens, the choices we make, the insights we cultivate, and the values we decide to uphold.
In a profession built on identifying who is at fault, it is tempting to treat every interaction as if it requires a verdict. But our inner landscape works differently from a courtroom. Blame may help us advocate for clients, but accountability helps us advocate for ourselves. Ultimately, shifting from blame to accountability is a shift toward presence, toward living with clarity, intention, and resilience. It is the courage to ask what part is ours, what we can learn, and who we want to be moving forward. Accountability allows us to return to our center, where clarity meets compassion and meaningful change becomes possible.
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Sarah E. Kuchon, of Hohauser Kuchon, is the 93rd president of the Oakland County Bar Association.
While blame is necessary in the courtroom, it becomes corrosive when carried into our personal or professional lives outside of litigation. The skills that help us advocate for others can, if left unchecked, hinder our personal growth. That is where the shift from blame to accountability becomes transformative.
Blame Keeps Us Stuck
Brené Brown explains that blame is a tool we use to discharge discomfort and pain. It is a fast, reflexive way to avoid vulnerability. When we feel exposed, ashamed, or afraid, blame is a quick, defensive shield that gives us something to point at, offering the illusion of relief without the substance of resolution. But rather than moving us toward healing or clarity, blame keeps us circling the very emotions we are trying to escape.
Blame feels deceptively productive. It hands us a ready-made storyline: Here is the problem, and here is the person who caused it. This storyline creates a false sense of clarity and control. Blame rarely brings relief. Instead, it traps us in a victim mindset, replaying narratives about how others should have acted and how life should have been. In that space, we are not just looking for someone to hold responsible but for evidence that we are not to blame.
Morgan Wallen captures this impulse perfectly in his song “I’m the Problem.” His lyrics “If I’m the problem … you might be the reason” reflect the human reflex to quickly turn toward shared fault or justification to divert discomfort away from us. Wallen goes on to ask, “And if it’s the whiskey / Then why you keep pullin’ it off the shelf?” Blame becomes the smoke screen for the patterns we don’t want to confront. It’s easier to fault the whiskey or the one “pullin’ it off the shelf” than shine light on our own actions. Blame provides an external target and protects us from the pain of owning our part.
Accountability Moves Us Forward
Accountability, on the other hand, is not concerned with who or what is to blame. Rather, it invites us to reflect on what part of the situation we can genuinely control. It moves us from victim to agent by forcing us to notice our participation in the cycle. Accountability shifts the focus from backward-looking rumination to forward- looking intention. It requires us to examine our choices; take responsibility for our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions; and ask ourselves how we want to show up. Accountability encourages us to look beneath our reactions and ask why something hit such a nerve, what fear was poked, or what boundary felt crossed. Curiosity becomes the foundation for deeper understanding. More importantly, it transfers power away from the person we’re blaming and back to us. That pivot is often the difference between staying stuck and moving toward meaningful change.
Reclaiming Our Power
When we place blame, we give someone else the power. While other people’s behavior can affect us, allowing their actions to dictate our inner state leaves us powerless. Accountability counters this dynamic by inviting us to notice the story we are telling ourselves, to reflect on how we are interpreting events, and to choose responses that reflect our values rather than our reflexes.
Blame often fuels emotional dysregulation, anger, frustration, helplessness, and resentment. These reactions are human, but they drain clarity and peace when they become habitual. Accountability turns “Why is this happening to me?” into “How do I want to meet this moment?” that shift reclaims our power. Even when we cannot control the circumstance, we can control how we respond. Accountability requires us to pause and choose a response that aligns with who we want to be.
Wallen taps into this tension between pointing outward and turning inward. In “I Had Some Help,” he sings with Post Malone, “It ain’t like I can make this kind of mess all by myself,” a familiar move toward shared fault that allows us to keep the spotlight off ourselves. But in his song “Superman,” the tone shifts. He admits, “Don’t always know my wrong from right / And sometimes I’m my own worst enemy,” a humble recognition that the struggle isn’t just outside of him; it lives within. this movement from “I had some help” to acknowledging our “kryptonite” — whether it’s substance use, emotional dysregulation, avoidance, or simply not having the right skills — marks the beginning of accountability. It asks us to pause and consider what part is ours, what part is not, and how we want to lead ourselves forward. Personal agency and power emerge in that reflection.
Rewriting the Narrative
Perhaps the greatest gift of accountability is that it frees us from old stories. Blame keeps us stuck in familiar roles and patterns. These narratives often come from real hurt, but they can become cages when we revisit them again and again. Accountability opens the door. It says, “this happened, but what happens next is up to me.” It reclaims authorship.
The shift from reenacting the past to authoring the present is where meaningful growth lies. It marks the moment when a new story can begin. As self-awareness expands, so does our capacity for connection. While blame narrows the lens to what someone else did wrong, accountability widens it to explore the dynamics unfolding between us. It invites dialogue instead of defensiveness. It transforms “you versus me” into “What is happening here, and how can we move forward?” In families, friendships, partnerships, and workplaces, this shift creates relational safety and strengthens trust.
Presence Over Perfection
Accountability is not an exercise in self-blame or perfectionism. Rather, it is an invitation to humble reflection, to look honestly at our patterns without collapsing into shame. Accountability is not about taking all the responsibility but rather about taking our responsibility. It does not minimize the impact of others’ behavior. Instead, it directs our focus back to the one place where growth happens, the choices we make, the insights we cultivate, and the values we decide to uphold.
In a profession built on identifying who is at fault, it is tempting to treat every interaction as if it requires a verdict. But our inner landscape works differently from a courtroom. Blame may help us advocate for clients, but accountability helps us advocate for ourselves. Ultimately, shifting from blame to accountability is a shift toward presence, toward living with clarity, intention, and resilience. It is the courage to ask what part is ours, what we can learn, and who we want to be moving forward. Accountability allows us to return to our center, where clarity meets compassion and meaningful change becomes possible.
————————
Sarah E. Kuchon, of Hohauser Kuchon, is the 93rd president of the Oakland County Bar Association.
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