COUNSELOR'S CORNER: The choice to be loving

In the last ten days I experienced the death of a long term friend and a family reunion. Both helped me appreciate how powerful love becomes for everyone. My friend, Al Lacki worked with me for many years. We opened our practice together many years ago. Al was always loving and kind. The past number of years he suffered from dementia but even with his memory gone, Al was still loving and caring to everyone. To remember Al is to feel welcomed and loved. Everyone who had ever met him would feel loved and cherished. The legacy Al left all of us was to be caring and kind to one another and to speak positively and loving to everyone.

I also attended a family reunion in Wisconsin. There were about 40 Cavaianis all gathered together in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. There are five First Cousins who all started this: my loving brother, and my three First Cousins. We all grew up together in Iron Mountain, Michigan and my dad and my Uncle Bill both were in WWII, married and with young children, my cousin and myself. At this family reunion there was so much love and kindness that I was again reminded what life is really about: LOVING KINDNESS AND LOVING CONNECTIONS WITH ONE ANOTHER. My father and my Uncle Bill showed us how to do this. As we watched old videos of days gone by, pictures of my uncle and my Dad showed up. Pictures of weddings, family get togethers, births and baptisms were all remembered. Experiencing the love from my cousins and their loving wives created a sense of gratitude within me. I am Godfather to my first cousin and he and his loving wife hosted this reunion at their home on Pretty Lake. What a loving gathering. And now I am the Patriarch of the family, the oldest one. No one talked or argued about Politics or Religion. We simply gathered together with kindness, love, affection and positive words. This family gathering became a loving expression of love and kindness which was also the legacy my recently deceased friend, Al, lived all his life.

This first week of July, 2022, will never be forgotten by me. It taught me something profound and meaningful. The world comes closer together through loving and kind actions, words and connections. It doesn’t come together through criticisms, arguments and trying to persuade others to my way of thinking.  When I feel loved by someone else, I become a better person. When I give love to another person, they become a better person.

My friend Al was an example of someone who always chose to be loving. I attended this family reunion with that attitude and it seemed to me that everyone else was making that same choice. If I choose to love you and be affirming toward you, I will feel better and you will feel better. Life can be so simple. Why complicate it.

I realize how short life is for everyone. But I realize more today that an inner peace and joy will happen when I embrace this present moment with love and gratitude. When
someone is caring and loving toward me, it has such a positive influence on me. When I am this way toward others, amazing things can happen.

My son and his family came in from Missouri, my daughters and their families drove in from Michigan, my grandnephew came all the way from New York, and many came from across Wisconsin for this family gathering. Their loving and kind presence created an inspiring bond among us all.

Life is not meant to be an investment in negativity even though we can all choose to be negative. Negativity is hell. Positivity is heaven. Resentments and criticism imprison us. Love and compassion free us and bring us into a joyful experience of life.

This July 4th weekend has taught me in a most inspiring manner how to walk through life: Always be loving and positive.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.